- Getting Pregnant
- Pregnancy
- First Year
- Toddler
- Family
- Baby Names
- Baby Products
- Registry Builder
- Registry
- Community
- News
Community > Families
Relationships
12.7K Discussions
112K Members
Start Discussion View Members Join Group Visit Archive
Community Guidelines Community Glossary
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Learn more about our guidelines
Just so you know, What to Expect may make commissions on shopping links on this page.
Bookmark Discussion Report as Inappropriate
i
ilovemybabies
Last night while I was being intimate with my husband, he stopped to try to do an act with me that we have never done before. Completely out of character for me I immediately felt frightened and said “no stop I don’t want to do that.” He immediately stopped and then tried to go back to being passionate. But I could not move I was frozen. A flash back from when I was 20 and being SA by a man at a party began to replay in my mind and my entire body froze. My husband looked at me and could see that I was shut down, I couldn’t hide it from my face. He apologized for “ruining the mood.” I laid there frozen, nothing came out of my mouth. I scooted away from him and turned over. I then started to cry, a silent cry, I hid my tears. The memory began replaying in my head and I begged the universe to not have him ask any questions. I did not want to say it out loud. I just laid there frozen, unable to speak and tears coming down my face. “Please don’t ask me about it, please don’t see my tears. I don’t want to talk about it.” I repeated to myself as we laid there in silence in the dark. After about 5 minutes in silence he asked if I want to play wordle (we play it every night together in bed) I said sure and then played the game. After I won, I waited until he got up to pee and I quickly got dressed bc I did not want to continue being intimate. I didn’t want to be touched at all, I just wanted to sleep. I woke up today and I am so shut down, I feel sick. I keep crying. The memory was buried for so many years, honestly I forgot that it happened. I know you should be able to tell your spouse anything but I have never told anyone about what happened to me. I don’t even want to speak it out loud. I know I should see a therapist, I just feel very alone and don’t have anyone to talk to.
Like
Reply
6 Comments
Oldest First
Report as Inappropriate
staymadho
I’m sorry you had to go through that. And I’m glad your husband listened to you and stopped immediately. I’m no expert in this- but maybe finding a therapist and talking about what happened helps ease the pain a bit? I feel maybe speaking about it may be the first step in healing. Although nothing will erase it and maybe everything I said was wrong, I hope you’re able to heal.❤️��
Like
Report as Inappropriate
T
TurtleAngieV
My husband and I both experienced SA as children and we’ve both randomly had moments like this while being intimate. It doesn’t happen often, but the triggers seem so random sometimes. Our responses have been the same though. The freezing, the tearing up, and wanting to curl into a little ball. You’re not alone in how you responded.
I do think it would be helpful to talk to him about so he can support you, but I understand it may take time and healing before you’re able to bring it up. Maybe you can start talking to him about it by being very vague and just letting him know that something happened to you in your past that you don’t feel ready to talk about.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through and that these feelings resurfaced. I hope you’re able to find healing ❤️��
Like
Report as Inappropriate
A
Amyga2003
I’m truly sorry that happened to you. It’s great that you immediately spoke up for yourself, even if you didn’t explain why. You never have to explain why you’re uncomfortable with something like that ever. Don’t feel like you have to until you’re ready to either. I highly suggest getting into therapy. You don’t have to dive into that incident right away. You can work your way there once your comfortable. But you deserve some healing. Sending you lots of love. ❤️��
Report as Inappropriate
S
Sillybabyx5
There are lots of things medication aside, to help with your PTSD flashbacks. I LOVE therapy. Even when you don’t think you have stuff to talk about, you find things.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I urge you to take your own life back. Sometimes we need a little help with that, and that’s okay!
Like
Report as Inappropriate
AniseS
PTSD flashbacks are hard to deal with, I hope you're doing better.
Have you heard of EMDR? That + therapy can help with those freeze moments. It's completely medication free and has an excellent success rate.
I actually disagree with the others about talking about your experiences. There's lots of research that shows talking about trauma events doesn't help reintegrate them, and can actually harm your mental health. When I did therapy + medication for my severe PTSD, we never spoke in detail about the trauma events. That was only supposed to be done under specific medical supervision with a trauma specialist who was prepping for EMDR. You can ask for support without disclosing, and as far as your story it seems like your husband would be okay with that too.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
b
boymom21-
@AniseS,
this! i was able to open up about my SA to a therapist and we did EMDR. It was really life changing for me. I never told anyone but I finally told my spouse and he was there for me.
Sending you healing OP!❤️
Like
- 1
- 1
{{/hideMessage}} {{^hideMessage}}
{{^IsArchived}}
{{#canEdit}} {{/canEdit}} {{#showIgnore}} {{/showIgnore}} {{^IsBanned}} {{#IsAbused}}
Violation Reported
{{/IsAbused}} {{^IsAbused}} {{#canEscalate}} Escalate for Review {{/canEscalate}} {{^canEscalate}} Report as Inappropriate {{/canEscalate}} {{/IsAbused}} {{/IsBanned}} {{#canDelete}} Delete Post {{/canDelete}}
{{#IsHidden}}
{{/IsHidden}} {{/IsArchived}} {{#AuthorIgnored}}
This post is hidden because it's being reviewed by moderators, it was created by a blocked user or was hidden by the original poster.
{{/AuthorIgnored}}
{{#HiddenRepliesCount}}
{{ShowMoreText}} {{#HiddenHasAbused}}
{{/HiddenHasAbused}}
{{/HiddenRepliesCount}} {{/hideMessage}} {{/object}}
You May Also Like
WTE Must Reads
Pregnancy Week by Week Pregnancy Symptoms Best Pregnancy Tests
